The Gay Male’s Bible Chapter 6, The Importance of Self

The Importance of Self

It’s a rare event for a gay male to announce his sexuality and to have his friends and family accept him for everything that he is. Much more often, there is at least one party who expresses dismay, or even disdain, at the thought of knowing a homosexual.

Consequently, an internal void, an absence of love as it were, is created within the homosexual male, and an intense desire to be accepted and loved by another human being (ideally another gay male) is formed. All too often, should such a relationship turn abusive, if promiscuity develops, or should the relationship become (in terms of emotional fulfillment) one-sided, it is sustained far longer than it should be as a result of the aforementioned desperation to be loved.

In my earlier years, I was the poster boy of such relationships. I wanted to be loved so desperately that I jettisoned pieces of myself to please the men I met. After years of these internal amputations, I had cast off so much of myself that I couldn’t remember where parts got left or with whom or, for that matter, what exactly constituted my whole being. It had been so long since I had been true to myself that I had completely lost my identity.

And for what great cause had I suffered such a loss? After having intimate relations with approximately one hundred men, there wasn’t one at my side who had made the sacrifice worthwhile. I was as alone as I had been when I first began the quest for love.

So, at the age of twenty-nine, I asked myself the question, ‘What could a man give me that I couldn’t give myself?’

The answers and their consequent rationalizations were as follows:
Money? No, it was foolhardy to be financially dependent on anyone.

Companionship? I had learned that companionship with a man meant amputating parts of myself that were not to his liking, and that was no longer an acceptable way of life.

Sex? I could certainly masturbate myself to orgasm, so sex was irrelevant and, more pertinently, life threatening.

So, it seemed I didn't need a man to subsidize those critical facets of my life. Yet, there remained the profound stumbling block, the one thing for which I had been searching since I was twelve.

Love from another human being. Where did I find it?

The astounding answer was ‘from within’.

For the first time in my life, I realized I was whole. In fact, I had been since birth, but the actions of others had made me believe otherwise. Through homosexual slur words, abandonment, and abuse, I had been brainwashed into believing that the completion of my soul was dependent upon the presence of another human being in my life.

It’s the great lie that we are all told, foremost by our parents, for the cause they believe we’ll be miserable if we’re alone in our lives. Yet, it's fundamentally untrue.

From my own experience, I can state that isolation with one’s self is the surest way to nirvana. Since I stopped dating and adopted a creed of celibacy, I’ve been blissfully content. It’s as though I’ve been reborn into a new life. I take care of myself; I treat myself to nice dinners; I do as I please, and I do it all without having to explain how a moment of my time is spent to another human being.

It’s what life should be like for everyone on this planet.

If you want to obtain peace in your life, then resolve to enact these measures:

1. If the presence of others in your life is causing you pain, then get rid of them. If they won’t go willingly, then get a restraining order against them. You can't be at peace with yourself when those surrounding you are constantly bringing negativity into your life.

2. If you’re taking toxins into your body, such as alcohol, nicotine, or drugs, then stop; you can’t expect others to treat you well when you’re abusing your own self. In addition to the damage these substances do to the human body, they also act to further impurify the flesh, which is inherently impure as a rule of nature. The impurities and lusts of the flesh continually act to degrade the soul, which is fundamentally pure. The more impure the flesh, the more impure the soul is likely to become.

3. If you’re having sex, then start practicing celibacy, because sex is just a means by which others take you for granted. Whenever you feel the need to have sex, masturbate, and the feeling will dissipate. If you find you are still unsatisfied, then view all human beings in the same mold. Do not differentiate the obese from the thin, the genetically perfect from those who are less so. Take the individual to whom you are most attracted, view them alongside the individual to whom you are least attracted, and see them as one. If you won't have sex with the latter, then you can't have sex with the former, because biologically, they're both the same. The only logical course of action would be to have sex with neither. The human race as a whole, no matter how aesthetically pleasing some of them may be, is inherently filthy. Give any among us two days without a shower, and the reason why physical intimacy should be avoided will become readily apparent.

4. Stop swearing or listening to music, radio, or television shows that feature explicit lyrics. Words can be a vehicle for Darkness, and above all else, Darkness must be avoided at all cost because it infects the soul.

5. Pray. It doesn't matter to which system of beliefs you subscribe, or for that matter, if you even have a system of beliefs. If you pray in the name of Jesus, Mohammed, or to the Universe in general, all that matters is that you pray and that you establish a rapport with a being that is higher than yourself. Letting go of your ego is a fundamental part of obtaining peace in your life, and acknowledging an all-powerful entity a number of times during the course of the day is a good disabler of Ego. When you pray, ask that you be granted the wisdom to make it through Life's journey, that the Darkness striving to infect your soul be kept at bay, and give thanks for the blessing that is your existence. Pray once in the morning upon arising, once in the evening before going to sleep, and anytime in between that you feel you need guidance or restraint. If ever you feel anger or hatred overtaking you, find an enclosed space, get down on your knees, and pray. I pray at work when I feel as though I'm about to lose my temper or when my ego is getting the better of me. The act of prayer never fails to calm me.

6. If you achieve peace in your life, never take it for granted. This is a world of Darkness, and there are those entities that hate the Light that inner peace brings. The Darkness and its Hosts will strive to influence you and to steal your Light in any way they can. There are times in life when you will fall; there are no 'Road to Damascus' moments, wherein you will come to know an instant and everlasting enlightenment. The pure soul is housed in impure flesh, and the constant pull of the flesh is towards corruption. If you should fall, get on your knees, ask to be forgiven and pray for the strength of will to persevere against the Darkness in the days to come. Most importantly of all, forgive yourself, because you can never be a bearer of Light if you hold guilt in your heart for past sins. You must always look forward with unwavering hope and optimism towards tomorrow while striving to be the best person you can be in the here and now.

7. Accept that the more Light you have in your soul, the darker your life may become. Just as with Job in "The Bible", your faith will be put to the test time and time again. Come to see that the more you are tested, the closer to salvation you become. Be proud of the tribulations you undergo; if you emerge from them unscathed, your Light will shine all the brighter.

Abide by these words, and your life will be more full of joy, Light, and peace. And such a life is one of which you can be proud.