Nathan I

Copyright 2008 CKG

     Nathan was my second boyfriend; he was an elfish, diminutive, blue-eyed, blonde-haired University of Virginia 

student.  He was twenty, and I was twenty-one.  Our relationship didn’t last very long; he was a bottom, and I wasn’t 

aggressive enough to fulfill his needs.  Our intimacy was mostly comprised of curling up like kittens and 

taking naps together.  A few weeks into our relationship, he asked if we could just be friends; I said, 'of course'.  

      I loved Nathan, and it was such a joy to be near him, regardless of the terms.  

      At the time, I lived in a Greene County back holler, and he resided in Charlottesville, about a forty-minute drive 

from my home.  I would often go to see him, to bring him groceries, a Philly cheese steak from his favorite restaurant,

 or medicine if he got ill.  Giving to him was so fulfilling; being his friend meant that I got to watch him dance or sing, 

to hear him speak, stretching out the word ‘what’ as though it had five syllables, and to see his beautiful smile.    

      When he left the University, Nathan and I shared no final goodbyes; like most of the UVA students I had befriended, 

I didn’t warrant a farewell.  Once they graduated the campus, they graduated me.  

      The years passed; the sweet, giving boy I had once been had become embittered.  Dissociative Identity Disorder had 

destroyed my life.  Everyone I had loved was dead or alienated beyond any hope of reconciliation.  

      Yet, there was this spark of Light in my soul that had survived; it was the essence of the boy Nathan had known.  

And though no one believed it was possible, I knew the universe had given me one last chance to live a decent life.  

      I was reflecting upon the boy I had been; I wanted to be him again.  Then, I thought of Nathan, and of all the joy he 

had brought me.  God, wouldn’t it be so good to hear his voice again?  Wouldn’t it make the restoration of my soul all 

the more profound to reconnect with that young man I had loved so unselfishly?

     What follows is the outcome of that effort.                            

August 25, 2007 (written after a brief telephone call with Nathan)

     Wow, I thought I'd never hear your voice again. It took me back a decade to a much more carefree time.  I've been 

smiling relentlessly since the second you answered your phone.  :o)

     I can't begin to say how many fond memories I have of you; it does me so much good to know that you're alive and 

well in this world.  And close to a beach!!  You always reminded me of a laid-back surfer boy type, and it sounds as 

though you've found a nice home for yourself.  I hope you're happy in all ways, and it you aren't, let me know what you 

need to make you happy, and I'll do my best to see that you get it.