The Gay Male’s Guide To Sex

‘Making Love’ 

 

     The term ‘making love’ is a misnomer.  A man spewing bodily fluid into an orifice (from which it will drain for days afterward) has nothing to do with love.  It’s better to refer to this act in proper terminology and to call it what it is, a fuck.

     Fucking consists of one man (the ‘top’), inserting his penis into the anus of another man (the ‘bottom’).  In theory, with the risk of contracting HIV no greater in any other sexual act, the top should always wear a condom; however, men, for maximum pleasure, will generally try to ride the bottom ‘bareback’ (without a condom).

     Because the anus was not built to function as a two-way orifice, the insertion does not come naturally.  A lubricant has to be applied to the top’s penis as well as to the bottom’s anus for penetration to occur.  Other steps utilized in coaxing open the anus are ‘finger fucking’ (inserting the middle finger into the anus and sliding it up and down) or ‘rimming’ which is inserting the tongue into (or around) the anus and orally stimulating it.

      Despite whatever preparation is taken, the undeniable reality is that the anus was designed to be an exit door for fecal material.  As one is fucked, the muscles of the anus are fooled into believing the inserted penis is a build up of fecal waste.  The natural inclination of the body is to have a bowel movement.  Consequently, whenever one intends to be a bottom, douching should occur prior to the act, so that all such waste is removed. (However, since this requires putting a foreign substance into the body, a physician should be consulted as to any possible risks associated with the practice.)  

      After all this preparation, one would imagine there to be a wonderland of pleasure inherent in anal intercourse.  Well, over the course of my life, three men have ‘made love’ to me, and it was pure agony every time it occurred.  It was, in fact, absolutely degrading in that I felt as though I was going to defecate on my partner at any given moment.  Between the pain of the experience and the stress of trying not to have a bowel movement, I can’t see how any man can enjoy the act. 

       However, there are some who will swear by the eroticism of being coupled with another man; they state that their favorite act of sexual intercourse is being a bottom.  Obviously, with the frequency at which it occurs, it must provide intense fulfillment for certain members of the gay male population.   

     On the opposite end of the sexual spectrum, there are women who will act as ‘bottoms’ for their heterosexual male partners.  It’s an alternative to vaginal sex for those who don’t want to risk pregnancy, but who still want to engage in bodily penetration.  Men often come to enjoy fucking in this fashion because they can convince their partner that, with no risk of pregnancy, a condom doesn’t have to be worn.  It’s a man’s fantasy to be able to orgasm inside his partner without wearing a condom, but this should never be allowed, as it is a one-way ticket to a host of venereal diseases.

      Perhaps the greatest unknown risk from anal intercourse is the development of internal hemorrhoids.  As stated above, the anus was not designed to be an entranceway; anal intercourse can be quite damaging to a very sensitive area of the body.  Internal hemorrhoids are often treatable only by a surgery that includes being stuffed with anal packing for several days post-op.

      So, the next time your partner wants to ‘make love’ to you, produce a bottle of warm massage oil and have him knead every muscle in your body.  Then, return the favor.  You’ll both experience pleasure without having to experience any pain.

      And isn’t that a much better definition of ‘making love’ than having him ‘tear you a new one’ when the one you’ve got is the only one you’ll ever need?