For David
Copyright 2008 Clayton Kinnelon Greiman
May 27th, 2008
Today, I read a poem in which you stated that you were too emotionally troubled to enter into a new relationship; my response was written a long time ago. I never included it as a part of this compilation, because I thought you would take it as as a personal attack. Instead, view it as an acceptance, and love, of all that you are.
The Cold Burn
Manic depressive,
Like trying to love
Fire frozen to ice or
Ice consumed by fire.
Reach out my hands,
Wanting warmth, getting cold,
Embracing cold, and getting warmth.
My husband, my life,
How I need you this night.
David, it's been five years since we last had a conversation with one another; I imagine that you have altered as much as I. Therefore, I have no point of reference when you write that you are too emotionally troubled for a relationship. I know when we were together, you were an undiagnosed manic depressive; certainly, it didn't make a relationship easy, but it didn't mean it was impossible. I loved you despite the mood swings and the panic attacks. That being said, it was much more difficult for you to love me, with my D.I.D. Your problems paled in comparison with my own.
There was a point when I recovered; yet, you stated that I was incapable of ever being well. It seems as though now you have reached the same conclusion in regards to your own mental health. You want to believe I'm a monster who is unworthy of being loved; that's all well and good, but I won't allow you to give up on yourself. David, every human being, no matter their circumstances or handicaps, holds the innate hope of being loved. I realize you may be going through a rough time, but don't say "I'm too emotionally troubled to be in a relationship." It's like waking up each morning, and saying, "I'm too tired to get out of bed, so I won't bother with the effort". Soon, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm not telling you to go out and actively seek a relationship, but if one comes, don't shut the door on it out of fear. Someone may come along and love you for all that you are, manic depression not excluded. I know I loved you for it, and here I am, nearly five years after our break-up, writing to you, when you've told me our love is dead, because you brought something so beautiful to my life that I never want it to be forgotten. David, you have so much to offer another human being. I beg of you; never lose sight of those gifts. Don't let them be buried beneath the manic depression. Cling to them in the midst of the Darkness, and someone will come along and look upon them as though they were illuminated by the sun.
And if no one should ever come, then be good to yourself. Stop believing you're unworthy of love. In my eyes, the worth of your soul is measured beyond all treasures of the earth. Regard yourself with but a fraction of my sight, and live forever content in self-love.
May 3rd, 2008
Four in the afternoon, and I've intermittently swam three one hour intervals. Six feet tall, a hundred thirty eight pounds, I think I've done too much. Walking home, I'm in a half delirium. Suddenly, you are beside me, urging me on, promising you'll lie down beside me if I don't stop to rest. "No sleeping in back alleys,' you say to me. "Someone will stumble upon my Florida panther and put him in a zoo."
Then, you are gone.
The water is life; it is a conduit to you. Tomorrow, I will again swim to the point of delirium, and if I am fortunate, you will again walk at my side.
March 16th, 2008
Five years hence, and I have not forgotten. In remembrance of what would have been our fifth anniversary, I will light candles, reflect upon the love we shared, and recite a prayer for your well-being.
February 23rd, 2008
I shall take our love into Death,
And should there be nothing in Death,
There shall be our love, and in our love,
Death shall find Life incorruptible.
February 23rd, 2008
Whom but we shall remember our love,
And write of it, so that it lives beyond our time?
If we forget, we bury, and what grave has ever been dug
That could contain a love so great as ours?
What denial, perventure of force, has ever been made
That would eradicate so profound a truth?
February 20th, 2008
Walking up a hill, I am walking towards my door. A knock has sounded; I question aloud who is there, but no reply is forthcoming. The wind is blowing, a sheet of ice around me. I regret now having left my home. I pull back the curtain that conceals my door, and you are there. I slide the pane of glass that separates us, and I take you in my arms. Walking up a hill, I am walking towards my door. I will reach that door, and you will be standing there. The promise of what can never be warms me, and I continue onward this desolate winter night. To where? I ask myself. To that door, the one behind which you are standing. Shall I ever reach it?
No.
Yet, my soul shall be purer for the journey.
February 9th, 2008
The love of yesterday
Surmounts
The love of today;
The years amass,
Yet nothing is left behind;
Atrophy is banished,
And Love,
Undiminished,
Remains.
Unsent Letter, Written February 6th, 2008
This letter has nothing to do with our reuniting; you’ve stated your love for me is dead, and I’ll take your word on that. I’m relieved you no longer hold me in your heart, for if our loved lived on in you as it lives on in me, and we were apart, as we are, your life would be a torment. There wouldn’t be a day that dawned when you awoke to the sensation of half your soul missing. I love you, and I would never wish such emptiness upon you. In fact, I pray you find the love of your life, and that your relationship eclipses all memory of our time together.
As for me, having been celibate since 2005, I can irrevocably state that my life began with you, and it will end with you. That’s not a stalker sentiment; I don’t have to be with you or near you to love you. It is not “I love David”; instead, this is a manifestation of the LOVE Plato described in “The Symposium”. There is no I; there is no you. This love is an entity independent of both of us, and it only has to live in one of us to exist as the profoundest of truths. I am its sole vessel now, and as such, it is the guiding force of my existence. It pulled me back from D.I.D.; it saved my soul from being devoured by Darkness, and it led me down a path of Light. While you will not walk that path with me, you are at my side in spirit. I laugh with you; I speak with you; I literally turn to you as I am walking down the street, and I smile, because you are with me. Say every day of your life that your love for me is dead, and a russet-haired sprite at my side that is your very twin will reply that it lives.
I wrote on April 2nd of 2003, “The world will become one of our own creation; at its core we shall lie our joy and then build great terraced walls to protect it from the invaders of a world willingly left behind.” I still exist in that world, and never shall I seek to walk beyond its walls. For you to have moved beyond, I am content. I am proud of all your accomplishments, which would not have been made manifest had you remained at my side. Yet, the core of you will always reside with me.
As clearly as I have ever seen anything, I turn now to a mischievous boy who has just gotten out of the shower, and is wet, rolling over my dry, freshly-made bed, grinning like an imp in spite of his bed-destroying sorriness, and I’m telling him that I am going to pounce on him, in true blonde Florida panther fashion, and luv up on him unmercifully as 'punishment'. However, before I turn to that memory of you, lie down, wrap my heart around that boy I love and, I pray, dream of him tonight, I have to say what I initially wrote to say.
If there is ever a time in your life when you need anything, call on me, and it will be yours. If you are a thousand miles distant, and you can’t open a jar because of your rheumatoid arthritis, then I will leave everything in my life behind and be there just to open that jar. If your eyesight worsens, and your world turns dark, then I will come, take your hand, and lead as your light. If you are about to leave this life, then summon me, and I will marry you and live as content having been your husband for an hour as a man who has been wed for half a century. If your life is ever low, and someone in your life claims to love you but is faltering in that regard, make them visit www.claytonrules.com/fordavid.htm (updated quite frequently) and tell them to take a lesson in being unconditionally devoted to you.
David; all I ask of you is that you keep moving forward, higher, and make this the best life you can for yourself. Sovereign of my heart, I love you, and I pray you reign over my soul for all my years to come.
February 5th, 2008
My soul is in perpetual orbit around your own,
Which is as the sun is to the universe;
I circle, but am ever far, and as the years
surmount,
The ellipsis grows ever wider;
Five years hence, and our bodies are leagues apart;
Yet our souls are near, and what is the flesh to the
soul?
An ephemeral prison that is given but a season over
its captive.
One bright day, this form shall fall,
Truth
shall be set free.
Laws of physics shall not matter, and our souls,
Though a universe apart, shall fly to one another,
And together form a star so bright
That the universe will turn from its worship of the
sun
And bow to our love, just as I bow to you,
February 4th, 2008
Long
since I had a dream
In
which I was a told
A
spirit cannot walk a divergent path;
Once
a crossroads has been met,
It
must turn back and walk
A
never-wavering route.
Long
since I lost my life,
My
path has been a fixed one;
It
is our love, and were I
To
diverge from its course,
I would no longer exist.
February 2nd 2008
If, for but a fortnight, I could stand at your side and prove the restoration of my soul, gladly would I revoke the remainder of my years, and die content at the end of those days. For I had rather die in love with, than languish in life without, you.
My Soul Encased In Amber
The first night we made love, you wore boxers imprinted with snowflakes. We awoke at dawn that late March morning to a blanket of snow upon the ground. I thought you had made the snow fall; I imagined you were an angel who had brought purity to the earth, life to my soul. How can I ever hope to move beyond such a dream?
The Testament
Always is the extent to which
I will love you. My affection will not
lessen with the hours or pass with the days. It knows no season, save them all combined. I awake; I sleep, and though all within and
without may alter, my love for you remains an ever-fixed mark. It is the only act of creation of my life
that is of any relevance; were every last bit of my soul stripped away, if my love
for you were left behind, then all that had mattered would remain.
Boundless is my faith in you
and your ability to rise above and triumph over all life’s hardships and
woes. You let nothing defeat or weaken
you; you don’t look to the past or surrender to regret; you simply proceed to the
grandeur that is inherently your own. The trait is called being a survivor, and it
is one over which you hold complete mastery.
Coming is the appointed
course, the hour of your dreams fulfilled.
For all the talent and self-will you possess, it is inevitable. Ernest Dawson wrote, “They are not long, the days of wine and roses,”
but he died too soon to have known this Rose, who will
make wine out of adversity and immortal sentiments of the words he writes.
At such a young age, you are already a
master of sentiment; for the monuments you sculpt of your words, I am certain your name will be forged like
white-hot fire into the annals of literature.
David S.R. is the man I will
love until the breath leaves my body and the earth entombs my soul. Whether another word or glance passes
between us matters not, for I have known the uttermost of love, and time cannot
weather, nor distance mar, that which is engraved, an unyielding and undying
circle, into my soul. Like a mortal
staring into the face of God, all other thought or feeling is shattered to
irrelevance before its presence.
Faith is a substance unseen
of which I carry an inexhaustible quantity.
I wake each day with the dream of your return, and I go to sleep each
night with the imagined warmth of your arms around me. I lie down in the barren ash of our love and
will a spark to rise that burns with the fury of a lodestar newly born.
I
look out across the chasm that lies between us, and I see that love returned, and though I
pray with all my might that it would be closed, the chasm grows wider as the
years grow longer. Yet tomorrow, I
will rise and will it shut once more. This
will be the ritual of my life until reason falls and the breath of
life is swept from my lungs.
Gratitude is what I feel
towards the universe for allowing you to have been a part of my existence. I feel
blessed for having known you and to have been afforded the opportunity to bask
in the warmth of your love, which was boundless and without flaw. Until my dying day, I shall cherish the
memories of waking up in your arms, of your caresses, your words, and your
laughter. Your love shall be a
touchstone against which all others shall be measured and, ultimately, found
lacking.
Halcyon were the days in
which you stood at my side. My other
half. My soul. My heart and my life. All that I ever dreamt of cherishing or
wanting. So memorable were those days
that as the years wear upon me, I live more in the past than the present, with
no thought to a future unmade. For
where you are, there am I. And though
our circle remains unbroken, we walk it now at odds. We pass as ghosts, like memories of a life that might have
been. You walk forward for the cause
that all your best lies ahead; I walk in the past, for therein exists the only
place where I will ever be able to touch you again. Though therein am I content, for with every thought you are in my arms; yet, you are above and beyond me, more of a success than you would
have been had you remained at my side.
Your love for me still exists, but
it exists in a place where it can do you no harm, in the past. in those Halcyon
days in which I shall linger for all my life to come.
Ingenious is your art, your
craft of word creation. Like an Auden
or Cummings, you shape words and elevate them to a higher art form. You scripted for me the most beautiful
sentiments of your affection, and I would not trade them for all the fortunes of the world. I lie at night with them draped across my heart;
they are as a string of diamonds that will never age or diminish with
time. They are my salvation, my
treasure. David, my life would be
meaningless had you not blessed me with the most valuable gift one man may give
another. His love.
Journey to a place that is
higher than yourself. Your Love lifted me from the depths, but I grew frightened of
its beauty, and
moored myself in the dark soil in which I had lain entombed before your
presence in my life. You offered a path
away from shadow but, like Orpheus who looked back at Eurydice on their flight from Darkness, I could not believe that I was being led from my
tomb. I turned from the path of Light on which we walked, and you descended with me, down into a Darkness that
was anathema to you. You remained
there, fighting for my soul while you forgot your own path, the one of
ascent. I kept you from it long enough,
so recommence your journey now, beautiful one, and do not rest until your
grandeur is known to all men.
Lullabies are memories of
you, lulling me to sleep at night. Tomorrow, I’ll not
wake to you, the
man I love, but, for tonight and all other nights to come, the dream of us as
one will shepherd me to to my sleep. For
all my days that are yet unwritten, I’ll revisit moments of our life until envious Death
lifts them from me. Then, there will be no wish to live, for an absence of you is an
absence of life.
Married is what we are in my
dreams. High on a cliff overlooking the
Irish Sea, we exchange vows of holy writ and forge a union of our souls from words that affirm
and bless. I see the light in your eyes
of purest blue, lapis against the emerald coastline that is all
surrounding. I watch as your tears
fall, and they are rivers of contentment to the parched landscape of my heart. I listen, an outcast spirit, to
conversations we might have had; I walk with you upon autumnal
paths that our feet will never touch.
We say ‘I love you’, though those words nevermore shall be. In my dreams, we are wed, and for that
reason I have come to despise awakening.
Packed away and banished is
what the Darkness sought to do with all the treasures you had given me. I awoke one morning, and they were all
gone. You were gone. One item, accounted one of my most valued
possessions, remains. It is a
hand-written note that reads:
Hi Panther, I’ve made up everything
for you so you just have to hop in bed.
Well, you will have to undress first because I won’t be there to do it
for you…*Mischievous Grin*…yet. No need
to leave the door open. If you fall
asleep, I’ll call the phone by the bed and get you to let me in. Hope you enjoy sheets and blankets instead
of your usual fare of a comforter.
There are blueberries and mini grapes in the fridge and cold
drinks. I’m lacking all other foods as
of yet. :o(
Feel free to use the computer or
anything else. (I use internet explorer
for the net). The pants and comics are
my coming home gift for you. I think
you’ll look yummy in the pants (they’re tight)…and I know you’ll enjoy the
comics.
Love
you bunches and see you soon
Your Phouka
I was your husband. The man you were coming home to. That can’t be put in a box, given
back, and forgotten. Though the
Darkness sought to rob me of my soul, the memories of our life remain.
My soul remains. Our Love remains.
Silence would enforce indifference upon any love but ours. For even though you will not lift your head to look at me, I know the truth of this prison from which all words are barred. It is a sanctuary for your heart, and were I to enter therein, my presence would destroy the pact of separation we have forged. Were but one breath to pass between us, we would be made one so completely as to never be apart again. Such perfection cannot exist upon this earth, so the gods have made you deaf, never to hear my voice again.
Silence reigns, but Love endures.
With the torch of memory, I
see us in a shaded glen, reading Shakespeare.
The sun is shining, and the air is thick with our
laughter. I walk from time to time in that walled
garden, and you are always at my side.
We are kissing again in the moonlight, holding hands in the bright sun,
or reading to one another while lying in the grass.
The shadows of who we used to be, of who we were meant to be but never
shall be, are always with me, and I thank God for their persistent
haunting. For without them, the
bleakness of my life would be unutterable.
Years have passed since that sorrowful day when Elysian Fields were harvested, and the waters of Lethe swept between our souls. I stand on the now barren soil where once we walked in Light, watching as you prosper on the opposite shore of Life. You shine with such vitality and warmth that even the spirits of the dead surround you for cause of envy. I was numbered among them, listlessly walking the earth, having forgotten the essence of life and love. And lo, the miraculous day came when I was blessed with your touch. David, your love was the greatest gift of my existence, and I shall always keep it close to my soul, where you shall forever be.
In Memory of You
Your laughter is the anchor of my peaceful repose and were I without it, I would be lost. Let it echo and sing to me tonight as every other night, and should I not wake with the morn, let all men know an angel had sung me to my rest.
Lest The World Forget...
My darling boy,
I will live for you,
With you, in you,
For all the days of my life.
Ask that I deny it all you will,
But our love will not,
Nor shall not be,
Forgotten.
Ever wandering,
Ever near,
He whispers,
"Come lie with me
as we used to lie,
nevermore to leave
my side."
Lost soul,
in your name
my life I
Surrendered
long ago,
so plead no more
for that which
rests in the earth,
next to you,
never to rise again.
My
soul is wounded
By
a love
That
shall never die.
It
is a wound
From
which I
Could
recover,
Though
I would not
Seek
remedy were
A
cure set before me
And
the promise of
Everlasting
life
One
of its effects.
For
my soul is wounded
By
a love
That
never shall die,
And
these wounds
Are
all I have left
Of
that boy’s
Laughter…
Words…
Heart.
And
to cure these wounds,
Would
cure me of that
Which
I love most.
So,
to Death shall I go
With
a wounded soul…
And
were Almighty God
To
extend His hands
With
promise of a cure,
I
would cry out to be damned
And
rather go down to Hell
With
my heart and soul intact,
Then
to be in Paradise
And
lost without
That
which I love most.
My
soul is wounded
By
a love
That shall never die.
Celebration
of Light
On March sixteenth of 2003, I met David, the love of my life; six months
later, I lost my way spiritually. I fell prey to a Darkness of the soul,
and David (with good reason) left me. Each year at sunset on the
anniversary of our first meeting, I light three hanging lanterns and position
them near a window. I enact this ritual to honor a love that shall sustain
me for all my years. The Light is
symbolic of victory; it openly defies the Darkness, proclaiming that it has not
won...that it shall never win.
On March sixteenth, light a candle and take a few minutes out of the
night to reflect upon those you have lost. Celebrate them as you would
were they present at your side. Laugh with them; rejoice with them.
The Darkness, whether born of death or distance, will dissipate, and they shall
be with you once more.
Some have said
to move on
to leave this place
to bar the door
and shut you
Away
with the past.
But I know that to
move beyond
our Love
would be to move
beyond my soul.
And just as I am nothing
If not this soul,
I am nothing if not
our Love.
Therefore,
it is resolved;
I shall not move
beyond myself;
I shall not move
beyond you.
I shall not move
beyond our Love.
Will I ever again pass by
at random
and feel my heart race
and by your existence
in this world
know that I am alive?
If you were to leave,
and I knew the path
would I follow
just to be near
and from afar
be reminded
of all that I have lost,
Of all that which I loved
and shall forever love?
The
Hurricane
Hail battered
Our sanctuary;
Rain pummeled
Our shelter;
And though the winds
Raged without,
Our bodies
Were one,
And would not
Be unmade.
My soul speaks to you;
It laughs with you
And smiles at the words
It imagines you to say.
My soul has not been without you,
No, not for a day,
Even though you have
Long been gone
And have no thought
Of return.
February 20th, 2006
At dawn, my soul awakens,
And from its slumber brings
The implausible hope of reconciliation.
It waits for you and will not relent in its
vigil.
As I pass by on a city bus,
The sight of you
Makes my heart race
And ensures smiles
Of joyful remembrance
For the rest of the day.
March, 16, 2003 (the day I met David)
Time retreats to a more beautiful time,
When it seemed our love would last forever.
Heaven could offer no greater reward
Than the perpetual reliving of that day,
Which surely was the happiest of my life.
I will live for you for all the days of my life.
Order me to deny it all you will,
But our love will not, nor shall not,
Be forgotten.
Crux
Your heart is kin with my own;
The blood of our life flows as one.
A red river that drowns all reason.
Downtown Mall (April 14, 2006)
As you pass by,
The echo of your
Laughter resonates,
And my life is
Enriched
By your presence
In this world.
An
Unalterable Truth
I loved you
For a thousand reasons
Born new
With each passing day.
Key
Largo Sunset-January 27th, 2006
We’re laughing, holding hands,
Free of judgment
And the chains of the past.
We simply are
As we always
Should have been…
At peace.
Still
With the world as witness I proclaim that I love you;
If you cannot or will not hear me,
It is the proclamation that holds the power.
When
you put your arms around me for the first time, it felt as though I had come
home to a place where I would always be safe and loved...Like I had lived my
whole life in anticipation of your touch. If
there were ever a portion of my soul I had been without, it was reclaimed with
the first breath we shared.
The
Letters
(Note:
My legal name at time was 'Sebastian'.)
There are many who dismiss the love between two men as being something
purely sexual, but the letters exchanged between David and myself defy that
belief. In actuality, our letters
comprise over 500 typed pages, but for brevity's sake I've included only a few
in this compilation.
Early hours of Sunday, March 16th, 2003 we met for the first time. I was dancing; you came from behind to wrap your arms around
me. It felt as though I had come
home. We kissed a kiss that lasted,
literally, for hours. A young woman
approached us and said, “You’ve been making out forever; you must really be
in love.” Soon thereafter, your friends parted us, stating it was time for you
to leave. Before you left, you
wrote you name on my chest; I wrote my name on yours.
No words had passed between. Silently,
as though to not break an unspoken spell, we parted…but it was not goodbye.
March
31st, 2006
My
panther,
There
I was walking along and I see a blue sweater, your
glasses,
and a slightly dipped head. And there it was, my
Sebastian
;) Not only that but the sweet boy had a bag from
Lindt
in his hand. I just knew when he
emailed me that he'd
gone
and done something wonderful sweet and foolish... You
just
want me to be totally all over you don't you?
And
there I was wearing your sweater because I wanted to
smell
you all day today so it would be like you were still
there
:) Btw, everyone loves your sweater, I received
several
comments (even from strangers) and people were
looking
me up and down all day. ;)
Thank
you so much and I hope you sleep wonderfully having
splendid
dreams of beautiful things.
Thinking
of you *huge hugs*
David
April
1st, 2003
Bastian,
Our
reality is a beautiful dream that has crossed the
barrier
from imagination to The world as it Is, breathing
life
and joy into my existence. I had a dream Saturday
night
when I was with you that the candle flame blossomed
into
an enormous lily imbued with milky effulgence. It
radiated
light and pleasure; I find the same feelings
reflected
in my heart when I think of you and consider the
beauty
with which you have gifted me. How can it be real,
how
can he _be_ but there you are when I least suspect to
encounter
you.
I
can only hope that I am truly bringing you the joy you
express,
but it is so great that I cannot comprehend it. I
suppose
that I must just consider how you affect me and
then
I will understand its true depth.
I
cannot write more, I stumble over my words in the flurry
of
excitement.
Adieu,
David
April
2nd, 2003
My
beautiful boy,
I awoke this morning to thoughts of you…of us…and I smiled in my
half-sleeping state of all that lay before us.
Echoes of our laughter drifted forth not forward from the past, but
instead, backward from the future. I
thought of all the adventures we shall have, of how we shall make the most
mundane of them into something extraordinary.
The world will become one of our own creation; at its core we shall lie
our joy and then build great terraced walls to protect it from the invaders of a
world willingly left behind.
When you put your arms around me for the first time, it felt as though I
had come home to a place where I would always be safe and loved...Like I had
lived my whole life in anticipation of your touch.
If there were ever a portion of my soul that I had been without, then
surely I have found all that completes me in you.
Fondly,
Your
Sebastian
April
2, 2003
My
dear sweet boy,
I
want to say that I really feel a sense of belonging with
you.
I really feel that we connect on a deep soul level and
I
feel so completely comfortable and safe in your presence.
I'm
sure I sound like a horribly pitiful love-sick puppy
but
I suppose that's what I am.
I
have always prided myself in being a self-reliant and
strong,
vocal individual who is committed to his passions
and
voices his opinions. However, now that I have met you I
don't
just want to continue shoving ahead alone through the
world...
I want to share my joy and light with you.
For
instance, I take great pleasure in telling you my
interests
and what is going on. I feel that you really
share
them with me and you help make it worthwhile. I have
felt
uplifted and ecstatic ever since I spent last weekend
with
you and your daily emails just serve to make my
feelings
stronger.
I
believe you are a truly unique and vibrant soul who
shares
the same light that I do. I view myself as a wild
spirit
and refuse to be tamed but when I am with you, I
feel
that I remain as free as a breath of wind and I want
to
carry you along with me. You lift me up, make me glad,
and
let me be me.
At
the same time, your spirit flows alongside me and weaves
its
own beautiful path along which I allow myself to be
carried.
I take great pleasure in sharing mutual loves and
excitement.
Granted,
we have not even begun to experience the depth of
what
is possible due to the brief time of our interaction
and
some of this is my projected future dreams but I wanted
to
express what I am thinking. You fill me with so much of
everything
and I never want this new and thrilling
experience
to end.
I
fear I have gone on too long. I bid you adieu now in
anticipation
of future pleasure.
Be
well my beautiful prince,
yours,
David
April
7, 2003
My
sweetly-smiling boy,
The
sound of your laughter, your giddiness, as we spoke on the phone yesterday
afternoon was a delight. You are my
joy and my pride; thoughts of you fill my days from beginning to end.
Thank
you, beautiful boy, for becoming a part of my life.
With
all devotion,
Your
Sebastian
April
8, 2003
Good
morning, my wonderful, sweet boy,
I
miss even hours apart from you,
And
days seem like years
Until
I am reunited with you.
Adieu
until we meet or talk again,
Your
Phouka
April
9, 2003
Hey
Bastian,
You
have so recently come into my life and breathed into it a freshness and
vitality. We share so many interests and you are (as you said) what seems to be
the other half of my soul. I have never felt so complete and satisfied before.
You
provide for me happiness, rest, peace and excitement. So many things that I
cannot express properly in just a few
words.
But you serve as part of the other half of my experience here. I have my work
and my eventual dream but I
also
have be beauty and happiness of just being here and now. I have my friends and
my activities and I have you,
romance
and passion and everything I could want in a man.
*Hugs
and sweetness*
Your Phouka (and boy)