The Gay Male’s Guide To Sex

Blowjobs 

    

      Men would have you believe their penis is a sacred fount and that sucking out its milky essence is the ailment for all the world's woes.  Yet, there is a reason cum is not available on grocery store shelves or offered as a shot at the bar down the street.  This document will explain why.          

 

      Oral sex.  (AKA ‘blow jobs’ ‘sucking off’ and ‘going down on’) Of these vernacular terms, ‘sucking off’ is most truthfully descriptive of the act.  The goal of a blowjob is to insert the penis into one’s mouth, create a vacuum, and suck while avoiding penis to teeth contact.  Prior to a commencing with the sucking, due to the filthy nature of the fleshy lollipop, one should take a wet, warm cloth and wash the penis and surrounding areas.  (The warm moist cloth will likely produce an erection, which will be very pleasing to the recipient male).  This act of cleansing will additionally remove the odors/taste of urine, sweat, and male musk from the ‘dining area’.  You may have to take the initiative in this act, because the majority of men just want their jeans unzipped and their penis mouthed.  They don't care if they've just come back from a five mile run or how bad they taste or smell; they just want to be pleasured.  No matter how persistent a male may be, make certain he is clean before you blow him!    

      Secondarily, since some venereal diseases are not visible to the eye, the penis should be outfitted with a condom (flavors are available for the pleasure of the oral stimulator).  HIV can be present in semen and pre-cum, and if one has an abrasion in his mouth or bleeding gums, providing someone a blowjob might lead to transmission of the virus.  The only safe course of giving a blowjob is through use of a condom (though most men will resist this effort for the cause that it limits their penile pleasure).  However, if one listens, and thus places the value of sucking cock above their own life, that is their own stupidity.

       With any discussion concerning blowjobs sans condoms, the age-old question emerges:  to spit or to swallow?  And if one gets to the point of having to spit or to swallow, cum being in the mouth either way, what does semen taste like?  The only real way to describe what semen tastes like is to tell you to taste your own.  If you don’t want to go that route, take a capful of hydrogen peroxide, gargle with it, and then spit.  The aftertaste is similar to semen.  If you want to know if you’re up for actually swallowing cum while providing oral sex, and since an ejaculation is an uncontrollable explosion in your mouth, masturbate in a cup and drink it as you would a shot.  (The thought is actually not gross if you realize that cum is cum, and if you’re up for drinking it then you might as well start with your own.) If you vomit after drinking the semen, you may seriously want to warn your partner to give you a heads up before he ejaculates, as you may involuntarily vomit or, worse yet, bite down if he cums in your mouth.  If he protests, assure him that you will ‘finish him off’ with a hand job; there will be plenty of fresh saliva and pre-cum on his cock to make it a warm, satisfying experience.

      As a rule, the longer it takes a man to achieve an orgasm, the more potent it will be.  For an even more explosive ejaculation, bring a man to the verge of orgasm, let his erection soften, repeat a couple more times, and he’ll transcend nirvana upon orgasm.