Advice To The Young

Advice To The Young

I want to take some quotes from your writings and offer some sound advice. I don't know you, so admittedly, I may be off base on a number of these observations. However, my motivation is pure, so forgive any erroneous insights.

1. "I don't have a lot of self confidence, and to keep my head held up high I feel the need to set a lot of expectations on myself."

I'm uncertain where the lack of self-confidence originates, but the fact is you're beautiful. You've got an angelic and pure quality to your features. I saw you last night on the downtown mall, and your beauty shone outward like a beacon.

As for the high expectations you're setting for yourself, unburden yourself of them. It's great to have goals, but don't let those goals diminish the value of today. If you have a roof over your head, food on your table, joy in your soul, and self-love in your heart, then you have obtained all you need in your life. You're eighteen years of age; rejoice in the gift of your youth and the joys of today. Tomorrow and all its burdens will be here soon enough without you having to conjure them into existence.

2. "I try to make myself proud and to change for the better every time I feel bad about myself. This involves both aspiring to live a respectable life (which I often let myself down on), and to surround myself with people I care about. I feel now like I have to choose between the two."

For even being able to express such a sentiment, you're already farther along than most young men your age. You've got an inherent sense of right and wrong; you realize that certain individuals in your life are not the best role models, and you're at a crossroads of conscience in trying to do right by your own moral standards while maintaining some measure of amiability with these individuals. To your dilemma, there is only one resolution. Always, you do right by yourself; if you have friends who are brining negativity into your life, then rid yourself of them. No matter how long you've known them or how much they say they care for you, they're not your friends if they undermine your morality.

If the people who surround you aren't respectable, then you can never be respectable. Two axioms: "A man is best judged by his friends" and "If you roll around with pigs, only two things will occur; you will get dirty, and the pigs will have a good time." Make your environment pure, young one, and thereby, you will make yourself pure. It won't happen overnight, because purity is a rare commodity in this dark world, and once obtained it will never be absolutely safe from corruption. Until the breath leaves your body, you will always be battling for your soul, and the sacrifices you will have to make for its salvation shall not be easy ones.

3. "I have been smoking and buying pot on a regular basis, and to a degree I've been uncomfortable with this, though I don't feel strongly enough about it to say 'no' when it's around me. Yet, I know I have to be careful, because my mom was an addict."

Drugs, alcohol, smoking: all these things are crutches for individuals who can't accept the reality of the lives they have crafted for themselves. If, at the tender age of eighteen, you can't accept the reality of your life, then you've got to act to alter that reality, or you're not going to make it to your twenty-fifth birthday. If your mother was an addict, then your genetics predisposition you to be an addict. You've got to be a thousand times more careful with any substance you take into your body. Stop using now; put the past behind you and cut out the people in your life who do use.

4. "I've already lost touch with some people I wish I hadn't because of the choices I've made. I don't want that to happen anymore, and I don't want to feel ashamed. At the same time, by making decisions I feel are best for me, others say they are getting hurt in the process."

As for hurting others because of the decisions you make, you've only got one person in this world whom you can rely on, and that person is yourself. If taking care of yourself is hurting others, then keep to yourself, because you're either being purposefully malicious and shouldn't be around others, or the individuals who surround are engaging in emotional blackmail, and should thus be cut from your life.

6. "I feel I can't secure a future for myself because so many people say I owe them money."

I can't imagine how much debt one could amass by the age of eighteen. For your sake, I hope it's not a great deal. The fact of the matter is, unless you've signed a promissory note, with a foresworn amount of debt, then legally, you're not under any obligation to repay anyone. From a moral sense, this advice will put you on unsteady ground, but you cannot allow yourself to starve while trying to repay others who are perhaps far from starving.

In the future, borrowing from Shakespeare, "Neither a lender nor a borrower be." EVER. Especially not in your youth. If you can't afford rent, go to a shelter until you can get back on your feet; if you can't afford meals, then local churches offer soup kitchens. You'll be surprised how much assistance you can get. In a similar vein, if you're out living on your own and have limited resources, apply for Food Stamps. Don't let pride get in the way of your having a full stomach.

In general, the feeling I get when reading your posts is that you're forgetting you're eighteen. You're christening each day 'doomsday', and you're overlooking the ultimate trump card you hold. Your youth. If you live right, you have many more days ahead of you than you do behind you; remember, yesterday cannot touch you, though it can induce atrophy if you recline in its shadow.

Young one, you're losing too many of your days to your regrets of yesterday. We all make bad decisions, but self-crucifixion is not a penance any of us should undertake. Look; I'd like to believe at my age, and with all I've been through, that I have most of the answers. However, I go out some days, and I screw up in ways you wouldn't believe. But I'm human; error is an inherent facet of my condition.

To sum up all I have written: Corey, start loving yourself; get rid of those who bring negativity into your life; and fight to make your dreams a reality. With time, effort, and a lot of faith in yourself, everything will work out for the best.